Have I ever told you about . . . how to care for my dogs?

It's simple. Really. 

These are the instructions we left with Sarah’s friend Kesler the last time we went out of town. He graciously stayed at the house for us to keep track of these little creatures.

"Let me preface this by saying our dogs are just a tiny bit spoiled, particular, loud, and annoying.  They will bark at pretty much everything, shed a lot, have horrific (likely toxic) breath, and sometimes get poopy butts. They’re also very sweet, love to snuggle and be petted (except not Mante’s tail – don’t touch that, or you might die), they will miss you while you’re gone and prove it when you get back with their undying love.

Cooper (the one with the brown head):

·       Eats in the laundry room, next to the water

·       Gets ¼ to ⅓ of a can of Science Diet U/D in the white cans, for breakfast and for dinner

·       Has arthritis, so please give him one doggy aspirin each morning.  He can eat ½ at a time.  Mante can have a Kong treat (in the cupboard in the laundry room) when Cooper gets his medicine.

·       He is not allowed to lick anything except himself, because that’s gross. Okay, so they’re both gross. Just tell him, ‘Don’t lick’ and he should stop.

·       Cooper likes to chase balls and will bring them back to you.  Mante will try to interfere which could result in what looks and sounds like a fight to the death, so you probably won’t get very many throws before you have to stop.  :(

Mante (the one with the fluffy tail):

·       Eats in the kitchen, at the base of the cabinets next to the air return vent

·       Gets ⅓ to ½ of a can of Castor & Pollux, for breakfast and for dinner

·       He also needs two kinds of medicine once each day

­    Allergy medicine – ½ pill of Apoquel hidden in a little square of Kraft sliced cheese (they can each have a few bites of cheese without medicine, too)

­    Ear infection medicine – 4 drops of medicine dropped straight down into the dark part of each ear every morning, and then massage the base of his ears so it goes down into the canal.  It works best if you have him sit on the counter (he might stand up on your shoulder) - Just hold on to him so he doesn’t try to jump off. That would be bad. And, you’ll be covered with hair, so maybe pick a sweatshirt to wear every time and protect your clothes.  There’s a lint roller on the counter in the laundry room.  And, good luck catching him.  That might require trickery. :)

·       He is terrified of everything, all the time.  Don’t take it personally.

·       He is not allowed to lick his feet until they are raw, so please stop him if he starts going bald.  The Apoquel should help keep that in check.

·       Mante loves to chase anything that Cooper has, and likes to eat socks.  But, he will pull the strings off them and may choke, so please take away any socks that start to get shredded.  He also likes to randomly run through the house at full speed for no apparent reason.  If he does this, you can stomp your feet a little or clap and keep him going.  It’s kind of cute.

Other Stuff:

·       They usually eat dinner before we go to work, so around 6:00, but any time before 10:00 is fine.  They let you know it’s time for dinner and they’re starving to death at around 5:30.  Please heat up their food bowls after you fill them for about 20 seconds in the microwave.  Like I said, they’re a tiny bit spoiled.

·       They don’t like to eat with their collars on because they clank a lot but, if you take the off while they eat, please put them back on after in case they escape.

·       No people food (other than the cheese).  They will try hard to convince you otherwise.

·       There are water jugs in the laundry room that you can use to refill their water bowl.

·       They know these commands:

­     Go outside

­     Go potty

­     Hurry up

­     Get in the house

­     Get in your bed

­     Are you hungry, and Let’s eat

­     Sit

­     Stay

­     Probably lots of other stuff in French that we don’t know

·       Please keep them out of the bedrooms because they sometimes pee on random things.

·       Feel free to take them for walks, or not.  Cooper can’t go more than to the bottom of the hill and back or his leg will be sore, and he’s fat so he gets worn out quickly.

·       They both love to lie on blankets, and Mante prefers laying on your right side.  I know.  Don’t judge. 

·       They’re allowed on any couches or chairs, but no tables.

·       They sleep in the laundry room with the baby gate up.  When you’re ready, just say, ‘Get in your bed’ and they’ll run in there.  They can sleep with you, but they might bark or pee."

See?  Simple!

 Next time, I think I’ll just stay home.